My boyfriend sent me this link the other day: http://m.entrepreneur.com/article/230333 with regard to New Year's resolutions and the like. As he said, it seems so obvious, and yet - why haven't I been doing it all along?
The thing that I've figured out from my August-and-right-before stint, as well as my subsequent tumble and dropoff, is that systems are hard to maintain without a proper setup. I moved to a tiny, tiny room in an apartment with a very nice roommate who unfortunately has living habits very, very different to my standards of sanitization. As in, it felt unhygienic to breathe the air in the kitchen, let alone spend great deals of time there.
I started work again at the grocery store, and I regularly make large quantities of food for lunches and then forget to bring them. I buy ready-made salads, wraps, and if I'm feeling particularly weak-willed, frozen burritos and mac n' cheese for lunch.
I don't have any working systems in place, and when I do, they're all too easily disrupted. Any deviation from routine - even for good reasons, a pet-sitting gig, a good social engagement, a show or job! - throws a wrench into my cogs and I don't spend the effort getting things running again. I haven't made things a priority. I know I talked about that to some extent in previous posts, but then it was making my goals the priority. Now I mean making a system a priority. Setting up a schedule, and keeping to it, regardless of the results.
There are foods that I routinely make that I get sick of all too quickly (fried rice, chicken vegetable soup), foods that I make routinely that probably aren't that great for me (roasted potatoes, almond flour pancakes), and foods that I enjoy frequently but just don't seem worth the effort to make in small quantities or last in bulk (salads, kale/vegetable chips, fish dishes). The few foods that I don't seem to have gotten sick of yet that aren't that bad for me (lox, eggs and spinach in the morning; beef/onion/sweet potato stir fry) should maybe just become my standard, routine foods. Then I don't have to worry about creativity and pricing - it's a lot cheaper than eating out, or buying readymade food from work!
Then there's the amount of time per day I ought to be spending on my career. Whether it's looking at the audition listings, reading plays, or researching casting directors, studios, and shows, or writing, I need to be setting aside time, scheduling time, to getting shit done. Results will follow. I have evidence of that from 2013. It's simply time to make this happen.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Monday, August 26, 2013
Falling Behind
So, going to the Hamptons was a big setback for the diet habits. I DID get in the ocean many times (for the first time all summer!), in and out of the pool many times, and ride a bike a short ways to and from the park. It was easy to motivate being out and about and moving around when it was FUN on a VACATION instead of after a grueling day at work and hating my life. And I feel that I did my best acting work when I was relaxed, mellowed, energized. What a life, to be a full time actor....in a richy rich town with a kushy life.
However, I ATE like a poor person at a richy rich person's house. Car snacks, which I provided but thought would be the main indulgence. Not so - pizza dinner the first night was on the company, so I ate three slices of pizza and some Buffalo wings. Didn't drink a beer, but small victory that is. Then there was the big company party that night, at which I nibbled cheeses (not as much as I would have in a former life), a couple of cookies and a brownie (not as much as I would have in a former life), and a piece of fried chicken which I didn't need at all. Just wanted it. For taste. That was quite a lot of caloric intake all in one freakin' day, even if I didn't drink lots of free booze (oh, right, I had a bottle of beer and a few sips of local beers - note: Southampton does not produce any great beers) and get sloppy drunk and hung over, like a lot of other people did.
Second day, I ate a pastry or two...maybe half? And a cappucino with Splenda. Lunch was lots of leftovers from the party, so deli meats and rye bread. I don't think I used condiments. Probably some cheese again. I had ice cream between bike ride and the show. At the Jones' that night, I had a nectarine and some pita chips, rosemary crackers, and a red stripe. Nothing too crazy...sort of. And then, in the car on the way back the next morning, peanut butter pretzels galor.
So, old habits die hard. And I haven't BINGED since being back, but I've eaten more than I needed to at a few meals. Beef/onion/sweet potato is proving to be a really good go-to meal, the right balance of protein and carbs...but I've been eating somewhere between the bare minimum and wishing I was dead. And not enough vegetables. They don't keep long enough for me to find those pockets of time when I can cook. Frozen vegetables hold no appeal for me. Got to find a way to make it work with my lifestyle in this apartment.
At work, I've been slightly better about grabbing a salad and a KIND bar instead of frozen mac and cheese or burritos...but that's not to say I haven't had the frequent slip. I'm working on it. Working, working...and not working out. I've only gone to the gym a handful of times since upping my work availability to 5 shifts a week. If I can't find a way to swing into motivation to go to the gym before work every day, I'm going to have to cut down or give more shifts away! Or 30 by 30 is not going to happen for me. Or rather, I am not going to be able to make 30 by 30 happen.
However, I ATE like a poor person at a richy rich person's house. Car snacks, which I provided but thought would be the main indulgence. Not so - pizza dinner the first night was on the company, so I ate three slices of pizza and some Buffalo wings. Didn't drink a beer, but small victory that is. Then there was the big company party that night, at which I nibbled cheeses (not as much as I would have in a former life), a couple of cookies and a brownie (not as much as I would have in a former life), and a piece of fried chicken which I didn't need at all. Just wanted it. For taste. That was quite a lot of caloric intake all in one freakin' day, even if I didn't drink lots of free booze (oh, right, I had a bottle of beer and a few sips of local beers - note: Southampton does not produce any great beers) and get sloppy drunk and hung over, like a lot of other people did.
Second day, I ate a pastry or two...maybe half? And a cappucino with Splenda. Lunch was lots of leftovers from the party, so deli meats and rye bread. I don't think I used condiments. Probably some cheese again. I had ice cream between bike ride and the show. At the Jones' that night, I had a nectarine and some pita chips, rosemary crackers, and a red stripe. Nothing too crazy...sort of. And then, in the car on the way back the next morning, peanut butter pretzels galor.
So, old habits die hard. And I haven't BINGED since being back, but I've eaten more than I needed to at a few meals. Beef/onion/sweet potato is proving to be a really good go-to meal, the right balance of protein and carbs...but I've been eating somewhere between the bare minimum and wishing I was dead. And not enough vegetables. They don't keep long enough for me to find those pockets of time when I can cook. Frozen vegetables hold no appeal for me. Got to find a way to make it work with my lifestyle in this apartment.
At work, I've been slightly better about grabbing a salad and a KIND bar instead of frozen mac and cheese or burritos...but that's not to say I haven't had the frequent slip. I'm working on it. Working, working...and not working out. I've only gone to the gym a handful of times since upping my work availability to 5 shifts a week. If I can't find a way to swing into motivation to go to the gym before work every day, I'm going to have to cut down or give more shifts away! Or 30 by 30 is not going to happen for me. Or rather, I am not going to be able to make 30 by 30 happen.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Progress
Roommate's bathroom scale and the scale at Columbus Circle Equinox both say I'm at 146 today! I mean, I haven't worked out since Tuesday, but I think working a couple of shifts and doing shows counts for something. I've also cut down a lot on the self-indulgent eating - I've sneaked some chocolate here and there, ate some trek mix (the kind that has candy in it, of course), maybe a glass of wine wine or sip of cider here and there. But I haven't BINGED, haven't gotten ice cream from a truck, haven't gotten lamb over rice from a truck, haven't downed a giant burger and glass of beer. I've had plenty of meals where I just got not-hungry, and a couple of meals where I got full, but none where I wished I was dead. That's enough to drop a couple of pounds, apparently. (And again, not putting on muscle by working out very much is probably doing something with those numbers).
After the couple of pounds that simply not overeating will get me, I'll need to step up the workout plan. Having the show be over will probably help with that. When I get closer to the deadline (May 30th!), I may need a trainer to help me get more specific after the simple lifestyle changes do what they'll do naturally.
Today I just did 20 minutes on the precor, the leaping machine, as I think of it. It's hard work, but I don't feel very accomplished when I finish it. I think I could go faster if I really needed to, but it's not a very motivating machine. Also did 30 leg lifts and 10 side-situps on each side. The leg lifts felt easier than they did last week! So here's hoping I'm on my way to a little core strength.
Had coffee with Rica on Friday - I might toy with the idea of trying a pole class. My wrists and upper body strength are quite lacking, and my core is not up to where I want it to be, but maybe a beginner class with help me out with this stuff?
All right, off to make up some kind of ground beef/sweet potato stir fry for the next couple of days.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Day 3 - Turn Down the Free Pizza
Eventually I'm going to stop counting the number of days. But today, I'm a bit off - last night I ate black bean casserole and yellow rice, among other delicious things, at Rice and Beans. But I DIDN'T have a cocktail just because it was happy hour, and I DIDN'T eat until I wished I were dead. And I DIDN'T pack up every bite to take home - just the special and the collard greens. Left the extra beans, as I have to learn to leave the things that aren't worth it!
Speaking of which, I have to learn to bypass free food just because it's free. Namely, actors at my level will be paid in pizza, like, 80% of the time. Actually, people at my age will be paid in pizza and beer for any favor we do - helping someone move, taking someone's headshots, doing someone's website. Non-union gigs will often be paid in meals and transportation, or meals, copy, credit. Which means pizza.
If it's the only way I'm being paid for my work, of course I want as much as possible. But I have to learn willpower and that it's not always my responsibility to make sure food doesn't go to waste.
As a Chinese woman who grew up poor, this goes against every fiber of my being.
Speaking of which, I have to learn to bypass free food just because it's free. Namely, actors at my level will be paid in pizza, like, 80% of the time. Actually, people at my age will be paid in pizza and beer for any favor we do - helping someone move, taking someone's headshots, doing someone's website. Non-union gigs will often be paid in meals and transportation, or meals, copy, credit. Which means pizza.
If it's the only way I'm being paid for my work, of course I want as much as possible. But I have to learn willpower and that it's not always my responsibility to make sure food doesn't go to waste.
As a Chinese woman who grew up poor, this goes against every fiber of my being.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Day 2 cont'd
Drag self out of bed at noonish, stall the start of my day by researching werewolves. Can't decide whether to do weights today, because on the one hand: I went swimming yesterday, so that's cardio and I should switch it up; probably won't have time to work out the next two days and today is a day off, so I actually have time for 40 minutes of weights...but ultimately decide to take the coward's way out and start out easy with a 22 minute run on the elliptical. Added some light ab stuff, so it counts!
Walked back to the catsit and ate two eggs scrambled with spinach, and four slices of salami. Coupla red grapes, too. Contemplating an afternoon snack of Irish breakfast tea and some rich tea biscuits...we'll see.
Dan's scale has me at 149 today. The scale at the Rockefeller Center Equinox agrees! (Actually, it says 150, but close enough).
Monday, August 5, 2013
Day 1, Part II
Swimming was great! Nothing too revolutionary there. Note that the fancy schmancy digital scale said I was 150.6 with just a towel on, so Dan's scale is probably accurate. I guess I've just been getting fleshier and less muscular...also, food-log wise, I forgot to note that I also ate (for breakfast) a butternut squash, goat cheese, cranberry and arugula salad with honey sesame vinaigrette from Trader Joe's because I'd had it in the fridge too long and it was going bad. Also, as I type this I'm eating the last of the 2% Fage with blueberries and Kashi GoLean Crunch as a post-swim/literal midnight snack.
On the walk back to the catsit, I was thinking about this essay somebody'd posted to Facebook a couple of days ago. It was something like "6 Ways to Be Happy, Now!" and there was nothing hugely mind-blowing there, either. But there was one bullet point that went: "Stop spending money on things and start spending money on experiences."
The idea is that the excitement of having a shiny new flatscreen TV will not last nearly as long as the joyful memories of a 3-day weekend vacation somewhere. You can dine out on that experience for weeks or years, depending on what you make of the trip, whereas the TV has a finite amount of enjoyment it can bring you, no matter how long it lasts. Don't buy the CD, buy the concert tickets. Don't buy the new dress, take yourself to that new Broadway show.
I immediately considered that treating oneself to an especially delicious or indulgent meal of course falls under the "experience" category. It might be gone within minutes, but you'll remember the tastes, the flavors, the ambiance. The sensation of taste is one of the most important avenues to enjoying life, in my opinion.
But on the walk back from swimming, I starting thinking about cost/benefit. What if the "cost" is not dollars, but calories? Let's say I get a couple of cheat meals on my 30x30 plan. Once in a while, if something is really worth it, I won't beat myself up about cheating, because it's inevitable and even desirable if one believes that it wards off bingeing. Now, I'm someone who links food to reward or mollification all the time. But now, if I'm allowed to eat a cup of ice cream if I so desire, do I want to spend ("waste"?) that allotment on "I came home after a long shift and I was tired and mad about life and my legs hurt, so I ate some Ben & Jerry's"? Or do I save it until I'm out to dinner on a fabulous date at a restaurant that is fabled for its handmade ice cream? Do I eat fried ice cream from a Thai food tent at a street fair (this HAPPENED last Saturday), because I'm at a street fair and gross street fair food is sometimes fun and the best, or do I walk on by and wait until I'm visiting San Francisco and we need to go to Bi-Rite Creamery?
I make excuses to eat terrible and too much food all the time under the guise of special occasion. My friend is visiting, it's my birthday, I'm at a special event and someone else is paying. I have to up the standard of the kind of experience that warrants indulging. Do I want to waste a glass of whiskey on "I'm at the bar after a show and we're being social," or do I have a glass of water and wait until I plan a trip to Scotland and have a tasting flight of once-in-a-lifetime special spirits? Eat Spam and white rice musubi in my house, because I can and I want it, or wait until I'm actually in Hawaii and doin' it right? Does my friend's wedding count as a special enough occasion? How do I modify this if I'm visiting California for two weeks, because I surely can't repeat what happened last Christmas, when I was in CA for 17 days and gained EIGHT POUNDS.
All of this remains to be navigated. Here are the last few meals I remember being significant.
- My wonderful boyfriend and I had a date last week, where he came to the catsit neighborhood (Hell's Kitchen) and we took a leisurely walk while we decided where to go for dinner. We decided on a place called Stecchino, which had an amusing backstory and delicious Italian food. I had a plate of handmade gnocchi so good, I ate every bite even as I was getting overfull.
- I'd had a pretty rotten day and went up to see my fella late at night, and he had eggs and bacon and spicy diced tomatoes waiting for me when I walked in.
- I went to Harlem Shake and had something called a Fatty Melt, which is a patty melt where, in place of bread, the burger is sandwiched in between two thin grilled cheese sandwiches.
Now, this list doesn't include every delicious meal I've had recently, many of which have been absolutely delicious and around a memorable experience. A very close girlfriend and Boyfriend and I had an incredible brunch at Kitchenette, involving french toast and biscuits and homemade turkey sausage. She and I plopped down in front of the Met and had hot dogs with everything, sitting on the steps. Boyfriend and I ate yummy takeout food at the home of his friend after he'd seen me perform for the first time. Back in California, on the drive up from San Gabriel to Oakland, girl friend and her friend and I made a pit stop for lunch in the middle of nowhere. But in many of these cases, the food itself was unmemorable. It was what was happening that was significant. I don't even remember what I ate at that diner on the road trip.
So either a) the meal has to be one-of-a-kind and opportune, or...actually, maybe that's it. Substitute any other kind of food into those experiences and we'd still have the important part. Close girlfriend and Boyfriend met. Girlfriend and I went to the Met and then chilled out. Girlfriends and I took a road trip. Just because it's delicious and may add to the experience doesn't mean it MAKES the experience. At least, not every time.
This was long and inconclusive, but hell. Nobody's making you read it.
On the walk back to the catsit, I was thinking about this essay somebody'd posted to Facebook a couple of days ago. It was something like "6 Ways to Be Happy, Now!" and there was nothing hugely mind-blowing there, either. But there was one bullet point that went: "Stop spending money on things and start spending money on experiences."
The idea is that the excitement of having a shiny new flatscreen TV will not last nearly as long as the joyful memories of a 3-day weekend vacation somewhere. You can dine out on that experience for weeks or years, depending on what you make of the trip, whereas the TV has a finite amount of enjoyment it can bring you, no matter how long it lasts. Don't buy the CD, buy the concert tickets. Don't buy the new dress, take yourself to that new Broadway show.
I immediately considered that treating oneself to an especially delicious or indulgent meal of course falls under the "experience" category. It might be gone within minutes, but you'll remember the tastes, the flavors, the ambiance. The sensation of taste is one of the most important avenues to enjoying life, in my opinion.
But on the walk back from swimming, I starting thinking about cost/benefit. What if the "cost" is not dollars, but calories? Let's say I get a couple of cheat meals on my 30x30 plan. Once in a while, if something is really worth it, I won't beat myself up about cheating, because it's inevitable and even desirable if one believes that it wards off bingeing. Now, I'm someone who links food to reward or mollification all the time. But now, if I'm allowed to eat a cup of ice cream if I so desire, do I want to spend ("waste"?) that allotment on "I came home after a long shift and I was tired and mad about life and my legs hurt, so I ate some Ben & Jerry's"? Or do I save it until I'm out to dinner on a fabulous date at a restaurant that is fabled for its handmade ice cream? Do I eat fried ice cream from a Thai food tent at a street fair (this HAPPENED last Saturday), because I'm at a street fair and gross street fair food is sometimes fun and the best, or do I walk on by and wait until I'm visiting San Francisco and we need to go to Bi-Rite Creamery?
I make excuses to eat terrible and too much food all the time under the guise of special occasion. My friend is visiting, it's my birthday, I'm at a special event and someone else is paying. I have to up the standard of the kind of experience that warrants indulging. Do I want to waste a glass of whiskey on "I'm at the bar after a show and we're being social," or do I have a glass of water and wait until I plan a trip to Scotland and have a tasting flight of once-in-a-lifetime special spirits? Eat Spam and white rice musubi in my house, because I can and I want it, or wait until I'm actually in Hawaii and doin' it right? Does my friend's wedding count as a special enough occasion? How do I modify this if I'm visiting California for two weeks, because I surely can't repeat what happened last Christmas, when I was in CA for 17 days and gained EIGHT POUNDS.
All of this remains to be navigated. Here are the last few meals I remember being significant.
- My wonderful boyfriend and I had a date last week, where he came to the catsit neighborhood (Hell's Kitchen) and we took a leisurely walk while we decided where to go for dinner. We decided on a place called Stecchino, which had an amusing backstory and delicious Italian food. I had a plate of handmade gnocchi so good, I ate every bite even as I was getting overfull.
- I'd had a pretty rotten day and went up to see my fella late at night, and he had eggs and bacon and spicy diced tomatoes waiting for me when I walked in.
- I went to Harlem Shake and had something called a Fatty Melt, which is a patty melt where, in place of bread, the burger is sandwiched in between two thin grilled cheese sandwiches.
Now, this list doesn't include every delicious meal I've had recently, many of which have been absolutely delicious and around a memorable experience. A very close girlfriend and Boyfriend and I had an incredible brunch at Kitchenette, involving french toast and biscuits and homemade turkey sausage. She and I plopped down in front of the Met and had hot dogs with everything, sitting on the steps. Boyfriend and I ate yummy takeout food at the home of his friend after he'd seen me perform for the first time. Back in California, on the drive up from San Gabriel to Oakland, girl friend and her friend and I made a pit stop for lunch in the middle of nowhere. But in many of these cases, the food itself was unmemorable. It was what was happening that was significant. I don't even remember what I ate at that diner on the road trip.
So either a) the meal has to be one-of-a-kind and opportune, or...actually, maybe that's it. Substitute any other kind of food into those experiences and we'd still have the important part. Close girlfriend and Boyfriend met. Girlfriend and I went to the Met and then chilled out. Girlfriends and I took a road trip. Just because it's delicious and may add to the experience doesn't mean it MAKES the experience. At least, not every time.
This was long and inconclusive, but hell. Nobody's making you read it.
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